Dear Me

Dear heart,
My brain tells me that I need to fall in love.
That this heartbreak shouldn't and wouldn't matter once I fall in love again.
That it's been two years since the story ended, and that I should open up again.
That I should feel the thumps in my heart again, the nervousness, the butterflies wandering inside my stomach, the excitement, the irrationality - those things people feel when they're in love.

Dear brain,
My heart tells me that it is not ready yet.
It still isn't ready after all these years.
That it needs to heal instead of free falling.
That it still needs time to cure the almost incurable wounds.
That love is not to be searched, but to be embraced.
That even when the time ever comes for me to fall in love again, the wounds might still open, the scars will hurt a little, and my trust would still be difficult to trade.
That even when the heart thumps are back again, it's not merely for being in love, but also anxiety due to past heartbreak,
That even when there are butterflies again, some of those butterflies are also signs of doubt,
That even when there is love in there, equal amount of distrust is also present.

Because brain, my heart says that, that's how you will always feel when even you're in love but you've experienced heartbreak in your life.


Wednesday,
A blue day,
My favorite day.